Thursday, June 13, 2013

“Big Time Rush” Recap: This One’s For All the Haters

This episode of BTR sells itself short when it calls itself “Big Time Tour Bus”—it should be called “Big Time Commentary on Internet Hater Bizness” but I guess that doesn’t read as well on TV Guide. In Episode 6, we’ve got Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan on a two-week radio tour with Victoria Justice to promote their third album and guess what? Here they are, stuck in traffic on their way to play San Diego. This isn’t the first time the boys are late this tour—when Gustavo breaks the news to Victoria that the boys are running late, she’s all “yeah right” and cites the last three shows of the tour, all of which they were also late for—and one of the times was due to them getting arrested. But this time it wasn’t their fault, because: traffic!

So since the only thing to do when you’re stuck in traffic is to create drama, the greatness of Big Time Tour Bus all happens on the tour bus. Logan, who we all know is a neat-freak Febreze sprayer when it comes to keeping his quarters clean, accidentally vacuums James’s mouth while James is taking a nap on the bus—which really made me lose my shit completely because I’ve never actually seen a vacuum suck somebody’s lips into it. Great moment. Anyway, so James gets mad at Logan for vacuuming his mouth and being annoying in general, and Logan takes it super personally  and decides to treat Kendall and Carlos to his first-class hospitality and tells James he’s “stuck in Coach.”
So in “First Class,” Carlos shows Kendall a YouTube video he’s posted of Kendall and Jo hanging out, and that’s when Kendall notices that him and his girlfriend have haters. Naturally, he’s super upset, and Carlos is like “Well, then you better not check out or”—and stresses an extra warning to steer clear of the message board titled “His Eyebrows”. There is also an IHateBTR website, that Kendall “Schnoobles” (Not “Googles”) and can’t pull himself away from—there are just so many haters out there! When Kendall decides to hate back, Carlos warns him about the logistics of haterism—“hating a hater makes you a hater,” he explains, which is so true. And Kendall knows it. So he’s stressed. Wha? Is there a lesson to be learned?!
In case you forgot Victoria Justice is the special guest this week, but we don’t see her do much except act exasperated and look pretty and stand in front of the stage door talking to Gustavo. She does slap him, though, which is cool. Her guest appearance sort of reminded me of those times I’d wait patiently for Britney to appear on Sabrina the Teenage Witch and she’d show up for like two scenes. This was even worse ‘cause Victoria Justice didn’t even sing. Gustavo asking her to sing a 25-song encore and then her Christmas album to stall while the boys are stuck in traffic was funny.
To combat those haters, and to make light of the fact that they still haven’t made it to San Diego, the boys make a music video together on the tour bus and think about all of the NICE Internet commenters, like “emilyj13,” who have shown much love to the crew. Then they finally make it to San Diego, and presumably, rock the crowd.

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